Putting Recovery in Before the Wheels Fall Off
Aaron Callaghan describes a familiar pattern among the people he coaches. They have spent years succeeding professionally before recognising how disconnected they have become from their families.
He gives the realisation in their words:
“I’ve been so focused and put all my energy here for the last ten or fifteen years, I’m a bit disassociated from my kids or I’m not being the partner that I want to be.”
They still want to maintain their standards at work. They also want to be better partners and parents, but their current routines leave little energy or attention for either.
The difficulty is that working harder has helped them succeed. When things become demanding, they respond with more of the same.
Where recovery fits in the diary
Aaron points to an executive’s diary booked from half past eight in the morning through to a client dinner that evening. Looking at a schedule like that, he asks where the recovery fits.
His concern is whether someone can sustain what they are asking of themselves. If recovery has no place in the diary, it depends on work finishing early or something being cancelled.
“The high performance model is stress plus recovery equals performance. We’re really good at the stress part nowadays, but not so good at being strategic about putting recovery in there before the wheels fall off.”
Without that planning, he says, the usual pattern is pushing until illness, injury or exhaustion forces a break. He wants people to consider recovery before they reach that point.
The changes he suggests are modest. Put demanding work at the time of day when you concentrate best. Follow a sustained period of concentration with a five-minute walk. Get outside where possible and take a few breaths before returning to work.
He says some clients find their performance improves even when they spend fewer hours working:
“They’ll see the performance going up... even though maybe from an hourly point of view they’re not putting in quite as much.”
That is his observation from coaching, rather than a guarantee that reducing hours will improve anyone’s output. It is a cheap test to run on your own diary.
Aaron also connects recovery during the day with what happens afterwards. Finishing every working day exhausted leaves little available for the people at home.
When the morning workout adds too much
Aaron groups the demands on a person into physical, lifestyle, and mental and emotional factors, and treats them as one combined load.
His example is someone managing a demanding deal at work who has been out with clients, had a few wines and slept badly. They still get up for a hard early-morning CrossFit session because that is what they expect of themselves.
The session belongs to a routine they value. Aaron questions whether it is the right choice under those circumstances.
He suggests checking the previous day or two: sleep, hydration, food, training and emotional demands. A simple green, orange or red assessment can prompt a more considered decision. After a poor night and a demanding day, extra sleep and a walk may be more useful than another intense session.
Earlier in the conversation, Aaron argues that people who sustain high performance keep doing the foundational things that helped them succeed. The two fit together: the routine stays, and the daily check adjusts what it asks on a given morning.
What being coachable cost him
Aaron’s own rugby experience raises a similar question. He was consistent, comfortable with routine and known for being coachable. If the coach asked him to do something, he did it.
Looking back, he wonders whether that sometimes limited his judgement on the field.
“Maybe actually I was too focused on doing what the coach wanted as opposed to maybe being a bit more adaptable and reading the situation on the field.”
He still recognises that coachability helped him reach a certain level. His question is whether he relied on it too heavily.
In a leader’s week, the equivalent is a standing meeting that continues long after its purpose has gone, or a plan that stays in place because delivering it has become more important than questioning whether it still fits. Those examples are mine, not Aaron’s. His own question applies to any habit you value: is it helping you respond to what is happening now?
Five breaths in the driveway
Later the conversation turns to family. Chris Turkington acknowledges how difficult it can be to give his family his attention while also managing a career and building a business. He can be with his children while thinking about a call he needs to make or an opportunity he wants to pursue.
Aaron suggests using the journey home to prepare for the change in responsibilities.
“You get home, you pull up the drive, you’re gonna do five breaths... as soon as I go in I’m gonna put my phone in a drawer so that’s tucked away, and then my focus is on my partner and the kids.”
Chris has made that boundary practical by asking his eldest daughter to hide his phone somewhere he will struggle to find it.
Aaron also acknowledges that some people need to return to work later in the evening. He suggests defining the time between: finish work, give the family your attention, then deal with the remaining emails after the children are in bed if necessary.
He observes that expectations around being contactable at home expanded during COVID and, in his experience, have often remained. A leader has a second decision to make here, because an evening message can leave someone unsure whether a reply is expected straight away. Making that clear is part of managing the workload you create for others.
Why it was not a four
Aaron finishes with an evening reflection he connects to motivational interviewing.
Give the performance or situation you are reviewing a score out of ten. If it was a six, first ask why it was not a four. That brings attention to what went well. Then consider what would make it an eight.
The next step should be something you are confident you can complete. Aaron suggests aiming for eight or nine out of ten confidence, so the action is realistic enough to follow through.
For someone reviewing their working day, that might mean protecting one short break after a demanding block of work. For someone struggling to switch off, it could mean putting the phone in a drawer when they walk in. The following evening, there is something specific to review.
His reflection on rugby provides another starting point. Think about a quality that has helped you succeed, then consider how you are using it now. There may be a situation where following the familiar approach is preventing you from making a better decision.
Aaron describes the purpose of the review simply:
“I’m just gonna slowly, slowly get better and better.”
Aaron Callaghan is a health and performance coach who works with high performers on stress, recovery and routine. He spoke with Chris Turkington on the Fireside Leadership Podcast.
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